“We write to taste life twice.” — Anais Nin
I don’t know where the time goes.
It’s been more than two months since I posted anything here. There are dozens of reasons for my lapse, but they can largely be summed up in one word: motherhood.
I have done some work for a client, but we’ve sort of been operating in fits and starts on his projects as he’s also been busy. Much of May and June disappeared in a whirlwind of volunteer duties as I wrapped up my first year as Troop Coordinator at American Heritage Girls Troop OR0207. But the bulk of my time over the last six weeks or so has consisted of driving children to the pool, movie theater, skating rink, doctor’s office, dentist, library, friend’s houses, campouts, scout meetings, and on and on. The summer has been a hectic one, and while I have a tiny lull in the busy-ness right now, it looks to be just as hectic in August.
The upshot is that I have not been able to focus much on the freelance copywriting business. While that’s frustrating, I also have to keep reminding myself that my kids will only be this age once, and that in a few years, the summers will drag for lack of things to do. (Although I do confess that I look forward to next summer when my oldest will be a licensed driver . . . It will be nice when he can take his siblings to the pool, movies, and skating rink!)
There have been other things happening around here, too.
I’ve mentioned that I used to write fiction. Those who know me will remember that I had a blog a few years ago. They will also recall that writing and publishing my fiction caused me no end of anxiety. I finally gave up, killed my blog, unpublished my work, and disappeared.
And promptly ushered myself in to one of the most difficult and painful times of my life.
I won’t bore my current audience with a rehashing of my struggles. Suffice to say that they largely involved issues of faith, and I don’t want this blog or site to be about my faith. But I will share that I do (sometimes reluctantly) align myself with those who call themselves Evangelical Christians. As an Evangelical Christian, I had to figure out several things:
Where my writing fit in my life, family, world, and faith journey.
Why I should (or shouldn’t) write.
What kind of content I should write.
Whether I had enough talent or skill to even bother writing for myself, much less others.
When I left writing behind, my spirit and soul were crushed. I had to start from square one. And while I know how it sounds to those who don’t share my faith, I had to let God rebuild me from the ground up.
And here I am, two years later–alive and well, rebuilt, more grounded, more balanced (I hope).
What did I learn? What did I remember?
I learned that there is value in sharing, even if the work is imperfect.
I remembered that it was the writing I loved, not the publishing or the marketing or the sad and vain attempts to gain followers or sales.
I learned that the creativity will come out in some way if I resist the writing (hence the many sewing and knitting jags I’ve been on in the last two years).
Mostly–most importantly–I remembered that writing is my act of worship.
And so . . .
And for those who want to read more, yes, I am working on the sequel to Ravenmarked.
What does this all mean?
I still plan to rebuild my freelance commercial writing, though I probably won’t have much time to focus on that process until September. I have no plans to ever consider my fiction a real income stream again. At best, it’s a hobby income; at worst, I’m just sharing because I want my stories to be shared.
I do plan to work on more fiction; I have some partial short stories and novellas sitting on my hard drive, waiting to be completed. I still want to develop my dragon western world and the stories therein. I think that world is ripe with stories. But first and foremost, I will–I will— finish my high fantasy series, The Taurin Chronicles.
The difference? The difference this time is that I don’t plan to market my fiction.
No massive blog series.
No frantic blog tours.
No writer round-robins.
No dramatic cover reveals.
Most of all, no writer angst. Or at least, I promise I’ll keep it to a minimum.
Just a few updates on occasion, maybe a snippet of something here and there, and a simple announcement when new work becomes available.
Because I’ve finally figured out that I am a writer.
I have stories to tell.
And as a writer, I am indeed fortunate.
I get to taste life twice.